I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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