you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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