I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
