I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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