Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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