Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
