I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
