I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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