Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
