I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
