Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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