I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize