we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
