he thought i was a dude.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
