i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
