I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
