I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
