My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
