Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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