Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You dont lie about slip and slides
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
