To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
