YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
