Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
