dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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