3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
