remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
