You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
