I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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