David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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