Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
