it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
