What a fucking waste of an outfit
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize