Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
