If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
