Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize