you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
