When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
