Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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