I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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