u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
