woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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