Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
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