Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
