I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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