so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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