i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
