I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
