Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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