The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
