dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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