i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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