Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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