My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
