i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize