Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
