Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
