I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have so many feelings about this burrito
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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