I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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