Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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