i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
