5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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