Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
