Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
