You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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