They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My breath smells like gin and sadness
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
