NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
drinking out of a sandbucket again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
