Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
