Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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