Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize