New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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