It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
