All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
