that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
