WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
