Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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