I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
