So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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